It's Snowing!!!!

No, this isn't a view from my house. I wish it was, but no such luck. Currently there is 1/2 an inch of snow on the ground in places, it is misting snow, and the sun just came out.

Damn Oregon weather just can't seem to pull it together and give us a blizzard. Is that really too much to ask? One giant snowstorm to end all snowstorms. I'm ready for it, I've got snowtires and a stocked pantry.

Come on Mother Nature... let's see what you got!

I'm not sure taunting Mother Nature is the wisest move I've made in a while but I want snow damn it!

Attention Natty! Cleanup on aisle two...

I'm living in a Dilbert cartoon.

I had a meeting today scheduled for 11:30am. I walked over to my co-worker Pen's desk at 5 'til...
Me: "Is Natty coming in for our meeting?"
Pen: "No idea. She was online a little while ago, so I doubt it."
Me: "Unbelievable."
Pen: "I'm going to call her right now and then conference you in."
Me: "Sounds good."

No more than 10 seconds after sitting down I hear Natty's air-raid-style cell phone ringer coming from down the hall and growing louder by the second. She's heeeeere. The time is now 11:38... eight minutes after our meeting was to start.

Natty: "Pen were you just calling me?"
Pen: "Yes. I was calling you for our 11:30."
Natty: "Ok, well let's try and get a room. But I'll be a few minutes, I need to take a bio break."

For those not living in my neighborhood of hell, bio break means "I have to go to the bathroom." No joke.

Penn and I go off to find a room and sit there twiddling our thumbs for a good five minutes until Natty shows up.

Natty: "I'm going to be a few more minutes. I just spilled coffee all over the floor. Pen can you come and help me, I can't get enough paper towels out because they are on the sensor-things."

Our meeting finally started at 11:50 and lasted all of 25 minutes. After Natty left for home un-announced an hour later I went to chat with Pen. Turns out she was on her hands and knees cleaning up Natty's spilled coffee while Natty went for more paper towels.

Like I said, a Dilbert cartoon.

Christmas Cards for the ACLU

I was just rereading funny emails my dad sends to me and I came across this one that I must share with you. Now there's more to it than just the email so just keep reading.

"Wanna have some fun this CHRISTMAS? Send the ACLU a CHRISTMAS CARD this year.

As they are working so very hard to get rid of the CHRISTMAS part of this holiday, we should all send them a nice, CHRISTIAN, card to brighten up their dark, sad, little world. Make sure it says "Merry Christmas" on it.

Here's the Address, just don't be rude or crude. (It's Not the Christian Way, you know!)

ACLU
125 Broad Street
18th Floor
New York, NY 10004

Two tons of Christmas cards would freeze their operations because they wouldn't know if any were regular mail containing contributions. So spend 39 cents and tell the ACLU to leave Christmas alone. Also tell them that there is no such thing as a "Holiday Tree". . . . It's a Christmas Tree even in the fields!!"

Now I know it sounds funny. And I thought so too... at first. As I like to do when I read or hear something like this I like to see if there is another side to the story. And of course there always is. So I went to www.aclu.org to see what I could dig up and I found an old article from 2005 entitled "How The ACLU Didn't Steal Christmas" by Fran Quigley. Now don't go rushing to conclusions... Fran is a dude. No joke. Go to the website and check out his photo.

Here are some experts:
"We get this type of correspondence a lot, mostly in reaction to a well-organized attempt by extremist groups to demonize the ACLU, crush religious diversity, and make a few bucks in the process. Sadly, this self-interested effort is being promoted in the guise of defending Christmas.

"Of course, there is no "Merry Christmas" lawsuit, nor is there any ACLU litigation about [removing 'In God We Trust from] U.S. currency, military chaplains, etc. But the facts are not important to these groups, because their real message is this: By protecting the freedom of Muslims, Jews, and other non-Christians through preventing government entanglement with religion, the ACLU is somehow infringing on the rights of those with majority religious beliefs."

"Nowhere in the Sermon on the Mount did Jesus Christ ask that we celebrate His birth with narrow-mindedness and intolerance, especially for those who are already marginalized and persecuted."

"To our 'Merry Christmas' correspondents and all other Hoosiers, we wish you happy holidays."

The article talks about how "website Christians" ask for donations to help out their cause, how the ACLU is just trying to protect our Constitutional Rights, etc. My inclination is not to side with either. And instead of wasting my $0.39 on wishing either of them a Merry Christmas I came across a website that encourages sending soldiers who may not be getting a lot of mail a Christmas card. I know some of you may think it cheesy but think of how you feel when you are away from home at Christmas and then you might reconsider.

Okay I've had my fun. For anyone like me who doesn't know anyone close to them in the war check out the site: http://anysoldier.com/. It has everything there you would ever need to know.

It's Just Too Good

Everyone needs to share in the fun I found today. I was doing a search for houses on the market today and found this gem: http://www.realestateshows.com/show.php?mls=basic&id=97449 . I sent it over to Sarah to see if she could spot the anomalies. Of course she didn't let me down.

Here for your enjoyment are her observations:
"Well, the entire ad is freakin' hilarious. View of moss covered roof? Oh, that's a seller. Commercial lot? Right next to Plaid Pantry I pray. Back yard for parking? Sweet house party! I especially like the decor. Who wouldn't want a couch in the middle of the doorway? That's it, I'm moving my furniture into that little beauty today!"

This is one of the many reasons we are friends.

Cribbage, Asses, and Natty

Last night I spent my evening at my dad's house playing cribbage and talking with him and my cousin Matt. An excellent way to spend Halloween. We had some delicious beef stew with cornbread, ate the candy and played with the Play Doh I had bought for the trick-or-treaters, and spent hours playing the most glorious game known to man.

Cribbage, I have been told, is a Shearer family game. My family would play it to see who made dinner, who did the dishes, who made the Hot Toddies (so good), you name it and it was settled by a game of cribbage. Dad said he grew up watching his parents and grandparents play the game and by the age of five he was playing it with them. So if you do you math he has quite a few years on me. Which is why I feel victorious when I don't get creamed.

After dad killed both Matt and I we attempted to get music from his computer onto my iPod. Sounds easy enough but my iPod is formatted for Mac and he has a PC so it was an ordeal. We figured it out but good grief.

While that was going on Matt remembered he had a CD of May family photos for me. May is my dad's mom's side of the family and I have been appointed the keeper of the archives so they were passed to me. The pictures are incredible. It's amazing to see my grandparents acting like nuts and messing around with their friends when they were near my age. It's an interesting moment when you are able to see your grandparents and parents as individuals. My favorite was seeing grandma and her best friends; they couldn't have been any funnier. If your lucky enough I'll post a few sometime.

Until that day comes I would like to share a photo with you I just took from my phone. This is what I've had to look at for the last 2 1/2 hours:


This ass-in-the-sky has been up there all afternoon messing with some wires, talking on his cell phone from inside the ceiling, and calling his buddy on the other end Mr. Pink.

Your not cool Ass. Just deal with it and get out of my face.

During this ass-capade Natty decided to grace me with her presence. She showed up at 2:15pm, went to a meeting, and left at 3:05pm. All without saying a single word to me. Twenty minutes later she called me on my cell phone, even though she knew I was at my desk, to ask me if Penn (who is sick and went to a doctor's appointment) would be "online" after she was done at the doctor's office. Does she not understand what it means to go home sick? So Natty asks, "Can you go ahead and transfer me to her cell phone, I don't have it programmed?" No, I can't transfer you! It's a damn cell phone you moron!

I hate her.

Pumpkin Ball 2006

I know you would expect this post to be Morocco Part 2 but I am waiting for pictures before posting a complete recap of those events. In the mean time enjoy…

My annual Halloween party took place on Saturday night and even though I started preparing for it in September I just wasn’t ready for it. The house was decorated, my costume was ready, the food and mass quantities of alcohol were there but my mind wasn’t. My uncle’s memorial service was that Saturday morning and I was still feeling the effects that night. I have to say I am sick and tired of saying goodbye to family members, especially those that are way too young. Doug was almost a month shy of 56. 56 is way too young. His firemen brothers gave him an incredible service and we got the chance to see family that we had lost touch with but I’d rather have Doug back than family that I’d never met before. It just plain sucks.

So the party got going around nine and was busting at the seams by ten. I can’t believe the costumes that people came up with. Some were clever, others pretty, there were of course the requisite lame costumes but then there were the hilarious. Among my favorites were:
“Wizard as a Muggle” – The home-made wand and staff were spectacular.
“Moses” – I always wanted to see Moses gettin’ down.
“Pirate Wench” – Who doesn’t love seeing their mother dressed as a wench?
“Jack” (of Jack-in-the-Box) – A life-sized Jack head… priceless.
“Alex de Large” (A Clockwork Orange) – The detail was impressive.
“Elephant Hat Pirate” - Just plain funny.

In all I have to say that the men made a better showing than the ladies this year. I’m already thinking of my costume for next year. How does white-jumpsuit Elvis sound?

Around 11pm or something (I completely lost track of the time by that point) there were people there that I didn’t even know and others began to head home or to other parties. By midnight the party had turned. I have no idea quite what happened but before I knew it there was drunken dancing, spilled drinks, broken glass (candle holder and jalapeño jar), underage drunkenness, some random dude passed out with his head IN the toilet bowl, a near brawl over a drunk person’s car keys, and my mother kicking people out. Even as I type this I can see the humor in it all. No, I am not going to name names; that’s not how I roll. But I do have to say a special thank you to those that stayed after to help me deal with the afore mentioned instances and helped me to clean up (both that night and the next day). I truly appreciate all of your help.

The next day I spent about six hours cleaning and putting my living room back together. It was exhausting and completely satisfying. Monday I went back to work and as I feared it has only gotten worse around here.

Anyway, I want to thank both Devon and Kara for sending me the pictures they took from the party. So far those are the only ones I have seen and they are great. If anyone else has pictures from the party please send them my way; once I have them compiled I’ll post a link to them here so all can enjoy.

Thanks again to everyone who made the party such a success. See you next year!