White Trash Bash

That’s no typo. It’s one of the greatest parties you will ever attend. Just think, you show up looking like you rolled out of a trailer park and the drunker and filthier that you become as the night progresses the better you look. Could you really ask for anything more?

At this kind party your look is critical. After a rousing Goodwill shopping trip to prepare for Saturday’s party I went with a ringer shirt (stained of course) that featured a cowboy hat-wearing bear strumming a guitar over the words “Love That Country Music”, a fake jean skirt that was trimmed with faux leather and zipped all the way up the front, and shiny gold strapped sandals with pink socks. Oh, I was a sight to be seen. This was coupled with makeup applied with the assistance of two very eager 4 and 5 year olds and a lot of hairspray and ratting.

While I felt I looked truly trashy Sarah was worse (and in this instance that was better). She brought back the high scrunched hair from the 80’s and paired it with bad makeup, a sleeveless shirt emblazoned with “ORYGUN”, very short shorts, nylons, and white pleather ankle boots. Man it was glorious!

There were all kinds of trash at this ball… “pregnant” smoking teenagers, barefoot and “pregnant” women in muumuus, men in very small tight shorts, socks and flip-flops, Disney characters on overalls, black bra straps galore, trucker hats, and of course the requisite “wife-beaters”.

There were Twinkies, Cheetos, Chickin-in-a-Biskit, Quick Cheese, Fritos, 40’s, and of course a keg. It wouldn’t be a party if there wasn’t a keg, funnel, and someone dumb enough to do a keg stand. Let me tell you, there were plenty of keg stands to go around.

Once the dancing had ended, the Twister game was destroyed, the lawn chairs were busted, the was keg emptied, shoes were located, and my skirt was broken (unzipped with no way of re-zipping it) as a result of being tackled to the ground, and the drunk people were driver home we called it a night.

And oh what a night it was.